Our parents may use all the tips and tricks in the world to raise us better, however, there are times when it is no longer enough and they need to improvise lies so they can answer our endless questions.
This Reddit user Xrty9y is curious to know the most absurd things that your parents told you when you were young that you now realized were pure lies.
Below are 15 netizens who shared the most ridiculous lies they heard from their parents when they are young.
1. Flip over the leaves.
I asked my dad where babies came from. He told me that he found me and my sisters in my mom’s cabbages. All he had to do was flip over the leaves and he saw our faces and pulled us out. My sisters and I spent hours looking for new babies. – 1BoiledCabbage
2. Ridiculous cold tolerance.
My dad has ridiculous cold tolerance. He’s the kind of guy that will be out in shorts and a t-shirt when it’s 36 °F outside. When I was six, I asked him how he was able to stand it, and he told me he just absorbed heat all summer long and stored it for the winter. He worked outdoors all summer, so it made perfect sense to six-year-old me. – Moctor_Drignall
3. It wouldn’t heal without a Band-Aid.
Not nearly as funny, but as an imaginative kid, when my mom said that a Band-Aid will help a cut to heal, I thought it meant that it wouldn’t heal WITHOUT a Band-Aid.
Flash forward to arriving at preschool with dayglow bandaids on every tiny scratch or discoloration on my body. Teachers ask why they are there, and I say “I got lots of cuts and Mommy said I needed to put bandaids on to cover them up.”
It was only as an adult that I later discovered the teachers abruptly gave my parents the cold-shoulder and they never knew why. – RobinCabe
4. The home of Ted Bundy.
I grew up near Tacoma, WA— the home of Ted Bundy— and he was like the real-life boogie man up there. Someone always had some story about the guy or some “knew someone who knew someone” connection— hell, my father even pointed out Bundy’s home on numerous occasions.
So in January of1999 (I’m eleven years old at the time), there’s some discussion going on on the radio regarding that it’s the tenth anniversary of Bundy’s execution. My mother just bluntly asks me, “do you know why Ted Bundy killed all those women?” I told her I didn’t and then asked why— she calmly and so matter-of-factly responded, “because he saw pornography when he was a little boy. So just remember— if you see pornography too, you’ll end up just like him.”
Didn’t realize the fcked-up-ness of such a statement until that memory randomly wandered into my head on a random day of my adult life. – Born2dodishes
5. Bear hunting season.
I used to wear a bear costume like every day when I was 5. One day, my mom already freakin’ tired of that costume told me it was ‘bear hunting season’ already and that it was no longer safe to go out dressed like that.
The memory of her telling me that is forever locked in my memory now. I still to this day remember how reckless I felt for not having considered that…
We still laugh about that lie. – DasThrowawayen
6. Fairies and witches.
Asked my dad why most of his hair was missing. He told me that when he was young, his hair was so silky and soft, the fairies came in the night and pulled it out, strand by strand, to make silk curtains for their fairy palaces.
Also, the reason he had a gold tooth was that he stopped one night to help a witch who was stuck by the side of the road with a broken broomstick. When he mended it for her, she cast a spell and gave him a golden tooth to say thankyou.
Don’t you dare say my pa was lying to me unless you can prove it. – TOMSDOTTIR
7. She could always tell when I was lying.
My mom told me that she could always tell when I was lying because my ears would turn red. Years later, I realized my ears didn’t turn red but walking up to her with my ears covered with my hands likely gave me away. I use it on my daughters now and it still works! – Yahoo157
8. Santa Claus.
My parents were still clinging to the magic of Santa Claus at this point. They fell asleep early on Christmas Eve. My brother and I woke up early. We walk into the living room to see no presents. My mom said something to the effect of “Oh no. Santa must have accidentally skipped us. Maybe if you go to your room for a little bit, he will swing by and drop them off.”
It’s hilarious because my parents are geniuses. Next level smart types of people. I still crack up at the fact that this was what they could come up with in a pinch lol. – mlg2433
9. I learned it while I was in the army.
I remember my dad teaching me how to cook and I asked him “Wow! Where’d you learn how to do that??” And he would tell me “Well I learned it while I was in the army, the army teaches you lots of things like that.” Any time I’d ask him where he learned something, he’d tell me he learned it in the army.
Fast forward to me at 13 and I asked him to do a veterans day speech at school and both of my parents started DYING laughing and he confessed he’d never been in the army, it was just the only way to get me to shut up 😂I was DEVASTATED and would regularly ask him if what he was speaking the truth or the veteran truth. – chaotic_trickster
10. Word quota
My dad told us we had a word quota and if we reached it before the month was up our voice would quit working and if we ever got into trouble we wouldn’t be able to call out for help- so it was very important to keep your words under quota. So he would reference this “I think you guys are getting close to your quota…” and we would all fearfully shut up. Now I realize he lived in a house full of 4 girls and had had enough 😂 – StMungosHeartHealer
That, if I swallow gum it will stick to my heart, blow into a bubble, burst and I will die of a heart attack.
I’m pretty sure me realizing my breakfast doesn’t smack my heart on the way down was the beginning of my passion for philosophy and questioning authority. – Saugaguy
12. Chicken milk.
More a “let’s see how gullible the kid is” than an out and out lie. Dad told me the milk in the little pots you get from restaurants and cafes is chicken milk. As in milk from chickens. This is why the pots are so small, they don’t give much at a time. I believed him; the supermarket sells chicken breast therefore chickens must have breasts, and breasts can give milk. I’m still angry at my eight-year-old self for being so dense. – CrazyPlatypusLady
13. Caffeine will stunt your growth.
“Caffeine will stunt your growth so don’t drink it.”
I had been drinking coke and stuff since I was 9 and still taller than them. I was so afraid to drink the stuff because of them, then I had a room temperature coke and my life changed forever. – Miffin_Man
14. Eyes on the back of her head.
My mom told me she had eyes on the back of her head. I fully believed her in terms of some sixth sense type of thing because there were times when her back was turned to me and she knew exactly what I was doing. Embarrassed to say but she had me fooled until like 4th grade. – plsgiveadvice2
I’m a bit late to the party, but I used to hate eating roasted chicken for some reason when I was a toddler. To get me to eat it, they used my fascination with dinosaurs and told me that I was instead eating Pterodactyl that my grandfather had hunted in the hills of Pennsylvania. – Malagrond
How about you? What is the most absurd lie that your parents told you when you are young? Feel free to share your story below.